I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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