Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
