i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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