have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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