Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
