and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
