I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
