did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
