Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
