OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My liver just had a heart attack.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
