my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
