We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
