Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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