You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
