Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Welp...herpes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
