currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
