Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
