She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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