I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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