We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
