I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
