I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
