im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
