I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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