Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
