Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
