Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
