I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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