Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
