shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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