And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
