I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
