Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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