So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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