I heard we made out
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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