I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
