I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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