no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
