I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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