I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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