Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
