Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
