Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
