the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
