And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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