How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
