Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
