You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you would pick up someone in the library
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i dont even know how to be here
She even gives head with a lisp.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
