just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
