i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
