I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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