I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
