I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
